Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
