I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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