my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
