I'm going to jail i love you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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