he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
