we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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