Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize