my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
