It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
