we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize