Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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