remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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