I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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