My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
