you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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