Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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