Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
