So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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