first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
