did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
