We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
