Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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