I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
