I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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