Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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