They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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