turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize