We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
