i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
