dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize