so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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