Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
