I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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