just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
