Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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