i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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