dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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