I want to have your abortion
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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