don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
