What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
