I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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