i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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