my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
