That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
