You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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