i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize