carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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