Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
