She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
