is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
