it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
