So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize