i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
