so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
