Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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