and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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