Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
