I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
