I wish I only lived at night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
