If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize