remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
