I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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