I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
love makes seman taste better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
