I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
