So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize