remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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