Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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