you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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