Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
